5 Social Skills You Need To Master
Social communication is an integral part of everyone's life. No man is an island. Some are naturally good at communicating effectively with others while others learn over time. To be a confident man, a confident person, it is very important to be good at social communication as it is an important factor in influencing others.
There are many skills you will have to learn if you want to become a man of influence. Here are 5 important social skills you NEED to master.
#1 Reading Body Language
“People may not always tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you. Pay Attention” - Keri Hilson
Body language makes up around 70% of communication. It is astounding the number of signs guys miss! A person's body will always show what they are feeling. The best part about learning how to read body language is that you will have gained the ability to discern the truth in any social interaction!
Body expression is mostly unconscious. There are of course conscious body expressions like facial expressions, but the majority of our body expressions are handled by our subconscious. The reason it is harder to recognize subconscious body expressions in others is that, unlike conscious body expression where we can control how and when we use it, we do not actively notice our own subconscious body expressions.
Here’s a fun little body language test by Fabiosa; Which Woman Is Hiding Something From You.
The first step in learning how to read the unconscious body expressions in others is learning how to recognize them in yourself.
There is a difference between actually listening to someone and simply waiting for your turn to talk. Listening comprises of two things; empathy and understanding. If your girlfriend or spouse tells you about their day, try to fully understand not just the words, but also the emotion behind those words. Put yourself in their shoes and see it from their perspective.
This is also incredibly important in growing yourself as a person. You don’t have all the answers, You likely have a lot more to learn, so just listen. Many people give good advice, especially older people. Listen and learn from the lives of others; successes and failures.
“The most successful people I've known are the ones that do more listening than talking”- Bernard Baruch
Eye contact is an important part of listening. Make the person you are interacting with feel heard. When you listen, truly listen, your response will come naturally. Your conversations will flow and generate positive emotions in you and the person you are talking with.
Listening helps you build trust, and will make others feel more comfortable being around you.
#3. Control Your Insecurities
We have all had a conversation with someone who was clearly seeking validation from you. They make self-deprecating comments or jokes; “I am too ugly for …”, “He’s lucky he is tall”. Those people are not fun to talk with because they put the pressure of their self-worth on your shoulders. They may even try to overcompensate during a conversation;
“How is your job?”
“Pretty good, just got a new Lambo that came with a private jet!”.
Overcompensating is no better. There will always be something we feel insecure about, but please don’t take that into a conversation. How To Overcome Your Insecurities.
Insecurities limit various aspects of our lives. The feeling that we are “not good enough” can cloud our judgment and affect how we portray ourselves to others. Here is a really good article on the top 5 insecurities guys have and how to overcome them, by David Morenas (How To Beast).
Now this one is not a laughing matter - see what I did there. Jokes aside, having a sense of humor is very important because laughter is a great way to relieve any social tension, especially during a first encounter.
“Laughter is the closest distance between two people” - Victor Borge
There are two humor styles, adaptive and maladaptive. Maladaptive humor is the type of humor that puts yourself or others down. This is a negative form of humor that usually arise as a result of low self-esteem. As I mentioned earlier, this type of humor is a turn off for most.
The style you need to master is the adaptive humor style that is used to strengthen interpersonal relationships or ease tension within relationships.
To have a sense of humor does not mean becoming a jokester or a trickster, rather it is the willingness to see the humor in life. A man with a good sense of humor is relaxed, comfortable with those around him, and this is very charismatic!
This article by Menprovement shows how to use humor to attract women.
Humor also has a number of positive effects on your well being. In The Journal of Positive Psychology, a study showed that humor increased emotional well-being, optimism, self-efficacy, positive emotions and even our perception of control. (Crawford et al, 2011)
#5. Be Positive
No one wants to talk to a downer. Someone who is so depressed they even make you feel depressed. Some people do find it difficult staying positive in a social situation due to insecurities or social anxieties, but it all depends on your outlook on life.
A positive outlook on life starts with just one thing- appreciation. Be grateful for what you have, who you have, who you are, and the things you have experienced.
If you do not feel comfortable in social situations, there are many ways to reduce or even eliminate those emotions (The Positivity blog).
To be a confident and charismatic person, you will always need to look at the bright side. People love the positive energy that exudes from a charismatic person. This is how people are drawn to you.
These skills you need to master all feed into one another. If you have a good sense of humor, you will have a more positive outlook on life making you feel more secure and drawing the right people into your life.