Confidence vs "confidence"
"Don't act awesome, be awesome" - The Confident Man
What man hasn’t heard the phrase; “Just be confident”? This is the go-to answer from most people when a question about socialization comes up. How do you talk to that girl? Just be confident. How do you make friends? Just be confident. How do you bungee jump off that 50 story building in front of a live audience? Just be confident.
That phrase is thrown around so much that it is only just slightly better, if not the same, as giving no advice at all! This is because you can't just snap your fingers and become someone you are not, though that doesn't stop us from trying. The problem is that we fake confidence. Fake “confidence” is just an act, but true Confidence is a state of being- it is a mindset.
We all know what Confidence looks like - at least what it should look like- and I am sure most guys can be really good at faking it, but that can only take a man so far (Fake It Till You Make It? Is a post that will be released at a later date - *spoilers* it's not a good tactic).
What am I doing, let us start from the beginning- what is the definition of confidence? If we do a search, confidence can be defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. The key word being self-assurance. Lack of trust in one’s own abilities prevents a man from accessing that confident part of himself.
For example, you have read books on approaching people, strangers even, and you may have fully integrated the teachings into your being, but you still mess up when talking to that cute girl. In high-pressure situations, it becomes a lot more difficult to be “confident” because, in this instance, failure would result in a subjective loss.
A major difference between Confidence and “confidence” is resilience. Set back is an important part of building Confidence. The mental fortitude to know, or at least genuinely believe, that the action you take is the right one. Men who act “confident” are weak when met with resistance and that causes them to fumble. That weakness stems from a lack of self-assurance.
The best way to build up resistance is through trial and error. “How To Overcome Fear” is going to be a later post.
Confidence is built through experience. There are ways to speed up the process of becoming a naturally confident person. Each of these methods can be covered in more depth if requested.
Have a certain and sure mindset (strong frame): Believe in what you stand for and stand for what you believe.
Stretch your comfort zone: Learn new skills, hobbies and don't be afraid to try new things.
Socialize with everyone and anyone: Do not wait for high pressure situations to socialize. After all, practice makes perfect.
Accept that setbacks are inevitable: Everything is not going to go perfect. Learn from setbacks.
Work on any insecurities: This is a complex one. Insecurities hold many men back and we will be releasing a post on this alone. Keep in mind, it is best to accept yourself as you are, but if not, change any insecurities you can (e.g fitness) and learn to accept those you can't change (e.g height).
Have a mission: Have a goal you aim for and is your top priority.