Insecurity

What are insecurities? Simply put, insecurity is the feeling of anxiousness and uncertainty in oneself. This is a difficult problem to tackle, as each person possess one or multiple insecurities. I do not believe it is entirely possible for one to be completely free from insecurities, but there are things that are in our control that limit their effects on our thoughts and our actions.

 

There is always going to be something that makes you anxious or uncertain, but that necessarily does not lead to developing insecurity. This is an important distinction because what can truly make insecurities pathological is the feeling that we are not in control. Dealing with insecurities requires a conscious decision and continuous effort, with the first step being the identification of the root cause.

 

It is definitely possible to conquer insecurity once the root cause is identified. For example, if you feel insecure about socializing ask yourself why? Are you scared of talking to people? Did you have a traumatic experience? Are you setting the bar too high? Keep asking these sorts of questions until you narrow down on something actionable. For instance, if you are afraid of socializing because you do not want to make a poor impression, what do you do? Fear of things you have yet to do can only be cured by doing them. Rather than discourage yourself with the millions of ways it could go wrong, be brave and just dive in. Although, if this fear arose from a poor past experience, all you can do is reflect on the things you could do better that are within your values.

 

There are two types of insecurities; Controllable and Uncontrollable. Controllable insecurities are those that are caused by things within our control, e.g socializing, physical appearance, etc. Uncontrollable insecurities are those that stem from things we cannot control nor change, e.g certain physical features like your height, your significant other, etc.

 

These different types of insecurities require different approaches to overcoming them. If the sources of the insecurity are factors within your control, it is your responsibility to work on improving yourself on those factors. If you are insecure about taking a test because you're afraid of failing, the simplest solution would be to study more. Sticking with this analogy, it is undeniable that sometimes even when you feel completely prepared, the results may not be as expected- this is why practice is necessary. Like the old saying goes “practice makes perfect”. There is no “tip nor trick” that can address this, fear bred from lack of information is cured by continuous exposure.

 

In the case where the source of insecurity is a  factor outside your control or unchangeable, it is best to reframe that factor, or regulate your emotions and actions towards that factor.  If you feel insecure about something like your height, that is unchangeable (assuming you are done growing), what can you do about it? You reframe it and own it!  The factors beyond your control do not encompass your identity as a person, an individual, and anyone who feels otherwise is probably pretty shallow. The danger you need to be aware off in regards to these unchangeable factors is the tendency to blame these factors for the problems you encounter. I have honestly heard guys say, “that girl did not talk to me because I was short” or “that guy has a better chance because he is taller”. This is all complete nonsense. If you feel that it is difficult to change your perspective towards these unchangeable factors, the only thing to do is to be aware and recognize when you are feeling insecure due to this factor, and regulate your emotions so that it does not affect your actions.

 

It is very important that you feel that you are in control of your life, and the decisions you make or choose not to make have effects. This takes courage. Read the post on Drive if you haven’t yet, as discusses taking control of your own destiny and how that drastically improves your mindset and outlook.

 

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The Confident Man. 2019.

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