Dealing With Rejection
Remember how it felt when you finally mustered up the courage to talk to that cute girl only to be shut down. The anxiety and anticipation? Rejection is a hard pill to swallow, especially when you bravely put yourself out there- outside your comfort zone, but what can we do about it? Even the best of men face rejection at some points in their lives. As men, we are destined to face some sort of rejection; women, jobs, business ventures, funding, etc., but this does not mean we stop moving forward. In this article, we will discuss the ways of dealing with rejection.
You often hear pick up artists and dating coaches claim to have tips and techniques that you can use to get any woman you want 100% guaranteed. This is obviously b.s because it is similar to telling a person that you can teach them how to throw a paper plane to follow the same trajectory every time. If you have ever thrown a paper plane, you know how difficult it is to predict where those things will land. Of course, you can modify the plane itself to fly in a certain direction, but the direction in which the wind blows is completely out of your control and the wind can blow in any direction it chooses. This is the same case with women. All women are not the same. Even the same woman can differ from moment to moment based on how her day is going, guys are the same.
If you get rejected, 7 times out of 10 it is not because of you. Pick up artists and dating coaches tend to portray women as non-autonomous beings, without their own thoughts and preferences. This is bad and actually detrimental to succeeding with women because men who do get rejected believe they are 100% the reason why they got rejected and if they had done it the “right way” they would have succeeded. The reason it may seem as though some guys never get rejected by women is that these guys know the direction the wind is blowing. They know which type of women would be into them and can tell if a woman is sexually attracted to them within the first few moments of the interaction. If you aim for women that would be or are already attracted to you, your success rate goes up.
So, what about the cases where it is obviously your fault? There are several mistakes guys make when approaching women, we have all made them. What happens when you apply for a job you know you are not qualified for? You get rejected. What happens when you apply for that same job after learning the skills you need? You will likely get hired. The same can be said about most things in life, not just women. If you are not equipped for the task you will not be chosen, and if you are chosen, you will fail miserably.
Rejection tells you that you are not ready for the task, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. Rejection simply tells you that the current you, as you are in this moment, is not ready. When a woman rejects you, she is not rejecting your entirety nor potential, but the current you she sees in front of her. Basically, the man she sees in front of her does not meet the preferences of her current self in that moment. If her current self prefers a hard worker and you are a slob, you will be rejected. If her current self prefers a slob (for some reason) and you are a hard worker, you would also be rejected.
This is why it is important to have a concrete value hierarchy. I have seen so many men change themselves, for better or worse, to please a single woman- and even worse, every woman. If you have a concrete set of values, you can compare them to women you approach to see if your values and hers align. If you value honesty and hard work, but she wants a deceitful bad boy, you can tell right away your values do not align. Sadly, there are many cases where men abandon their values to become whatever the current self of a woman wants in that moment. The problem is that the preferences of a woman may differ at different moments causing these men to “chameleon” their way through this relationship- becoming whatever the woman claims she wants.
This brings me to my final point; women are not always right. When a woman rejects you, she does it based on her current value hierarchy however strong or weak it may be. There are way too many men who are willing to throw away their own value structure and judge themselves based on the value structure of women, especially when she is physically attractive.
I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that this dynamic is rooted in our DNA, it is not exclusive to humans either. The good news is that because we are human, we can overcome it. I personally struggled with this. It takes a conscious effort, a concrete value structure, and a strong belief in yourself to overcome this dynamic.
Women are not that different from men. We all have our flaws, insecurity, and fears. Just because a person is physically attractive does not mean that they are any closer than you to having their life together. Just because your values do not align does not make your values bad, does not make them good either, but definitely does not make them bad.
If you want to be able to deal with rejection you need to create a strong hierarchy of values to live by. Make the you of tomorrow much better than the you of today. Confidence comes with developing a strong set of values. Rather than solely being the one screened, you can screen her as she screens you. Never stop improving yourself. As you become better, you strengthen your core values and direction, becoming a man others would want to follow!